Whether it’s a win, a loss or a tie, how you interact with your athlete counts. Part III:  Apply carefully after the game.

DO talk to them about the game.

After a bad game it’s nice (and good therapy) for your athlete to vent.  As an athlete, I used my parents as a sounding board after games, venting about this and that. All I wanted from them was to listen. I NEVER expected them to fix it or give me powerful suggestions or ideas to make the feelings go away. Basically, I wanted to talk, uncensored, to someone I trusted. And, I wanted that “person” to be my parents. Just listening is enough.

Please DON’T go to the coach or ref or other parents and share your athlete’s post game venting dialogue. Just not cool.

DON’T criticize their performance while they still are dripping with sweat!

Love my dad to death and love talking to him about my games.  Honestly though, there is nothing worse than hearing the “Yeah you did great, but…” line.  I’m a big advocate for honesty and not skating around feelings, but there is a time and a place.  As an athlete, you learn the benefit of criticism.  As hard as it might be to hear, you know that constructive criticism helps you improve.

A great coach knows when to deliver feedback, and a great parent does too.

After they showered and had a chance to relax, ask them how they think the game went and then wait. Wait to give your opinion and just listen. There it is again – the “L” word. You might think you have the world’s best idea to help improve on any failures, but not every athlete wants to hear that type of feedback from their parents. Listening is an active sport that improves with practice.

True confessions – I’ve been on both ends of this situation. You might not even realize you’re giving advice and judging. Don’t helpful sisters “help” by giving out words of wisdom?  My younger sister helped our relationship by telling me she hates it when I give her unsolicited advice on her lacrosse game. So now, mouth closed except when asked.

Parents, you are their number one fans. Kids want to make their parents proud. I can’t think of an upside when a parent expresses clear disappointment in their athlete’s performance. Be thankful if you have a teenager who wants to impress you. I think that means they respect you. That’s ALWAYS a good thing.

DON’T be an overbearing parent!

Do not, repeat, do not, in any circumstance, approach the coach with tips on the game-plan that you thought would have been best.  You are the parent, not the coach, and it could result in a bad situation for your athlete.  Your enthusiasm is wonderful, but learn to channel it in a more beneficial direction.

Do not complain to the coach about playing time.  If you feel playing time is unfair and your athlete does too, suggest your athlete talk directly to the coach.  It’s their “battle”, not yours.  You can help by role-playing the conversation with your athlete. It’s difficult speaking up to an adult in a leadership position. Help by giving tips on how to express their concern and practice the conversation together. It’s a way to be an active, helpful parent. I know I always felt stronger and more grown up when I took on these conflicts.

Hope my comments were helpful. I’ll be back with more suggestions to help you raise a stronger, smarter, safer high school athlete. ‘Til then.