Written by Jodi R. Galin, PhD

Even the most nurturing parent is challenged when his/her child experiences a huge rejection. Many kids experience being cut from a team as a significant rejection.

Consider the following events and tips for “best practice” parenting.

Sam’s story:

Sam began playing soccer around first grade. At first he played on non-competitive town leagues. As he got older and his skills improved, he joined the more competitive travel league. There he developed close friendships as well as a true love for the game. In ninth grade he made the freshmen team at his public high school. He continued to love the game and played on and off season with his friends of many years. However, sophomore year the competition was just too steep, and he was cut from his high school team when all of the sophomores, juniors, and seniors competed for the coveted varsity and junior varsity spots. Several of Sam’s closest friends made the junior varsity, one stellar player even made the varsity team.

Sam came home from school devastated with his news of rejection. He cried uncontrollably, slammed doors, and shut himself in his room. Sam’s parents wanted to help him but were not quite sure how.

Psychologist Response:

There are a few basic pieces of information that would be helpful for parents to realize.
Not every teenager will have that same emotional reaction. There is a huge range of what is normal, from no tears to many.
As much as you may want to, you can’t take away your child’s emotional pain. Sam experienced a significant rejection, loss of his soccer team, loss of time with close friends, and blow to his self-definition. Your child’s pain is beyond your control.
Worrying about your child is normal.

The next post will be specific strategies to help your teen cope with a loss.