When your child is upset, you want to find the right words and actions to be helpful. Dr. Jodi Galin has written some strategies to help you parent your teen in times of distress.

Here are some strategies to try to comfort your teen:

1 – Be present for your child. Many teens will be comforted just by your presence.

2 – Stay in the room with your child. You don’t need to say much. Some will just want you there with them. Others may appreciate a gentle touch or back rub.

3 – Some teenagers may need some alone time to pull themselves together before spending time with you. Take your cues from your child.

4 – When your child has stopped crying or calmed down, he or she may want to share the story of the rejection with you. Some teens may need some prompting to help them get the story out. Try commenting on their emotional experience, “I am sorry you are so hurt/upset/sad.” Or use open ended prompts like, “what happened?”

5 – Remember most people are comforted by feeling heard. So, your number one job is nurturing by helping your child feel heard.

6 – Once your child is talking about the event, you can interject with questions for more details. For example, “what did the coach say?” or “did your friend say anything to you?”

7 – Don’t offer details of what happened to you or someone you know when they had a team rejection. This is not the right time for such a discussion. Your focus needs to remain on listening.

8 – This is not the time for making a plan for whatever other activities your teen may enjoy instead of “soccer.” Give your teenager a little time to heal. There is plenty of time over the next few days/weeks/months for expanding your child’s interests and activities.

9 – Keep in mind this is a significant life rejection and a huge loss for your teenager. Healing can be slow. Don’t be surprised by sadness, anger, and frustration turned toward the self for being a “failure.”

10 – As a parent, you will have opportunities to help your teen see him/herself as full of abilities, interests, friendships, and great life potential. Your first job though is nurturing and listening.

Remember that this feeling of loss may continue throughout the soccer season as Sam is not with his friends on the team, does not have his time filled with practices and games, and may hear his friends discussing their soccer experiences. Your ongoing support will be necessary.
Eventually your guidance to help Sam connect to other family, school, athletic, or work experiences is going to be crucial.